Thursday, March 13, 2008

Stop spitting

I still see guys spitting all the time. I don't get it. Unless you're chewing tobacco or sunflower seeds, or you just went to the orthodontist's and your mouth tastes terrible, or you just ran a marathon and chugged a quart of milk, why do you need to spit? I see baseball players at Biola doing it, when they're just walking somewhere on campus. It's still stupid to me, but I can sort of understand that it's a cultural thing for them. You play baseball? You spit. All the time. But I see regular guys doing it too. Just walking around campus, and they'll spit. Right there on the pavement. Are you civilized? Did you swallow a bee? Why is that a habit? What are you getting out of your mouth that shouldn't be there? Do you have a genetic condition that affects your saliva glands so you produce 10x more than the average person?

In elementary school I tried spitting for a while. Cool kids did it. "Ok, I'm game, I'll spit too. I have no reason to, but I guess it's what you do if you're a cool guy." Eventually I got over it when I realized it was stupid, gross, and pointless, and not in a cool "guy" way.

I don't get why guys still do it. At this age. For no reason.

9 comments:

jeri said...

Wow, you really hate a lot of the same things that I hate. Two points:

1. Spitting on the track is the worst. The track and the turf are SYNTHETIC, so when a person spits on them, it just dries there.

2. Spitting out one's gum. I just don't get it. If you walk around campus and see how many little black gum spots there are on the ground, it's disgusting. Who does that? Who just says, "Hmph, I'm tired of this flavor," and then "Plhougsh!" spits it out, whenever and wherever?!!?!

Nobby said...

I have to spit whenever I'm walking more than two minutes because it's cold outside which always makes my nose run. But I always save it until there's a planter I can spit in or a drainage grille in the street gutter.

I hope this meets with your approvals.

Ryan said...

I forgot to mention the track. Yeah, I've seen that too, and it's gross. When I went to do push-ups one time, I almost put my hand in spit. Now I'm paranoid.

Nobby (Nobby, huh?), that's fine. If you have a legitimate reason, sure. I spit after I've run a few miles because my saliva gets all viscous ands starts gagging me. The thing I'm against is the spitting for no reason and also the spitting in inappropriate places.

Nobby said...

Excuse the pseudonym of a pseudonym but I was just building in plausible deniability because my comment was quite graphic.

The Horns and the Hawk said...

if i hork a ball of phlegm the size of my fist or perhaps a medium to large size faberge egg, i will choose to expel it instead of swallow it. when given the options of "swallow snot" or "shoot snot," i lean towards shoot.

jeri said...

So, is this just some sort of physical phenomenon that only happens to guys (the need to spit)? I've never come across that problem.

Ryan said...

Yeah, what are you doing to produce that kind of phlegm? Are you drinking warm milk after running a marathon? Do you also have a severe head cold? Because those are the sorts of circumstances that produce the phlegm you are talking about. If you are producing great gobs on a regular basis, you need to see a doctor.

Nobby said...

I happen to generate a prodigious amount of phlegm-free spit. My dentists and orthodontists have always commented on my overproductive saliva glands since I was young lad.

I pity the convalescent home attendants 70 years from now who will have to take care of me when I'm a drooling fool!

redison said...

Howdy. I've always wondered the same thing...I tried spitting once, and I couldn't do it. I just...couldn't do it. I was literally just blowing air out of my mouth. Anyway, funny post!

"Did you swallow a bee?"

Ha! I might actually start using this line...